13. Meet Mayhem Miller

can you see why he made the list?
Over a year ago, when I made my little list of things I wanted to do in the coming years, a few of my friends reprimanded me for not having “meet a celebrity” on it. I explained that I have no desire whatsoever to meet any celebrity. Celebritites have their pretty people entourage covered already. I’d rather not lower my already low self-esteem by attempting to groupie-ify myself in hopes of being noticed for 3 seconds to get a picture with some cocky star only to get nowhere. But after a few days of pestering, I added my only favorite person that I’d actually like to meet.

Maybe it’s because he’s got the cutest face you’ve ever seen or perhaps it’s because he’s an awesome fighter. Jason “Mayhem” Miller just seems like a cool dude. But what do I know? And his dog is pretty damn adorable, he’s got more followers on twitter than anyone I know. First time I’ve ever been jealous of a dog: Mayhem loves on him and he’s more popular. Not my best day.

I’ll must say while going to watch a fight with my friends a few months back, there were a few guys from The Ultimate Fighter making an “appearance” at the bar we went to. We didn’t realize this until we got there but we figured it’d be cool. I was wrong. We didn’t even have to go up to them, they staggered over – Jagerbombs in hand – after sniffing out some of the only girls present. They already had inflated egos and for what reasons, I’m still unaware. I guess it’s easier to get layed when you’re on TV. (Note to self: get my own TV show!) After them inviting us (multiple times…no means no boys!) to their hotel rooms, I was completely turned off by the idea of meeting any more UFC guys. I would’ve rather gotten a PAP smear with a rake than spend a night with any of them.

Who am I kidding, this is why I have a crush on Mayhem. Move aside, Marky Mark!
At first, I thought perhaps this goal was achievable. Maybe one day I just might get tickets to a fight and somehow trip and roofie flag down Mayhem for two seconds. Now I’m realizing I should just replace #13 with some attainable goal. My friends called me a pussy for suggesting this. (Thanks guys, you’re real friends and I love your for it!) I’m definately not the only girl that wants to meet him, his facebook page is filled with girls saying they want to marry him, which I get a kick out. Don’t we have anything better to do? (Note: I’m not quite creepy enough to do that…not yet atleast. Don’t make me go there Mayhem. I don’t like climbing stuff to watch people with my high-tech binoculars that cost more than my truck!…I’m joking. Or am I?)

I think my only chance would be to become a sexy Asian, which unfortunately I don’t think amounts to slapping on knee-high socks, a crop top, and a Hello Kitty backpack. Damn, never had a chance, why’d you have to make it look so easy Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift! And lets say I magically got to meet him, I’d probably blush like crazy and have a case of word vomit, thus embarrassing the shit out of myself and I’d regret #13 forever. Those of you who know me, you know this is true.

C’mon Mayhem Miller, you know you want to visit Chicago and make a silly girls dreams come true!

Have you ever met a celebrity? Who do you want to meet?